The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not really in the lives, feelings, wants, preferences, and hopes of individuals round him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere devices of gratification. They require his undivided consideration solely once they "malfunction" - when they turn into disobedient, impartial, or critical. He loses all interest in them if they can't be "mounted" (as an illustration, when they're terminally sick or develop a modicum of non-public autonomy and independence).
As soon as he gives up on his erstwhile sources of supply, the narcissist proceeds to promptly and peremptorily devalue and discard them. This is typically completed by merely ignoring them - a facade of indifference that is called the "silent treatment" and is, at heart, hostile and aggressive. Indifference is, therefore, a form of devaluation. People discover the narcissist "chilly", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like".
Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I don't care about others" - he shrugs off his critics - "I am simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed underneath pressure ... They mistake my equanimity for apathy."
The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of curiosity in his partner's life, vocation, pursuits, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the liberty she will want for!" - he protests - "I do not spy on her, follow her, or nag her with infinite questions. I do not trouble her. I let her lead her life the way in which she sees fit and don't intervene in her affairs!". He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy.
All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, bodily) absence from all his relationships is a type of aggression and a protection in opposition to his personal totally repressed emotions.
In rare moments of self-consciousness, the narcissist realizes that with out his enter - even within the form of feigned emotions - people will abandon him. He then swings from merciless aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures meant to exhibit the "larger than life" nature of his sentiments. This weird pendulum solely proves the narcissist's inadequacy at maintaining adult relationships. It convinces no one and repels many.
The narcissist's guarded detachment is a sad reaction to his unlucky early life. Pathological narcissism is considered the result of a chronic interval of severe abuse by main caregivers, peers, or authority figures. In this sense, pathological narcissism is, therefore, a reaction to trauma. Narcissism is a form of Submit Traumatic Stress Disorder that got ossified and fixated and mutated right into a persona disorder.
All narcissists are traumatized and all of them suffer from a wide range of post-traumatic symptoms: abandonment nervousness,
reckless behaviors, anxiousness and mood issues, somatoform problems, and so on. But the presenting indicators of narcissism rarely point out submit-trauma. It's because pathological narcissism is an efficient coping (defense) mechanism. The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, briefly: indifference.
This entrance is penetrated only in times of nice crises that threaten the narcissist's means to acquire narcissistic provide. The narcissist then "falls aside" in a means of disintegration often known as decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralyzed and fake - his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears - are starkly uncovered as his defenses crumble and develop into dysfunctional. The narcissist's extreme dependence on his social milieu for the regulation of his sense of self-value are painfully and pitifully evident as he is crimson